·    Introduction
·    How does pet grief happen
·    Dealing with your loss

Introduction

Losing one's pet can have a very depressing effect on many people.  It is normal to grieve over the loss of a pet.   In fact, it is not uncommon for some people to feel devastated and even suicidal.  But unfortunately,  pet grief is largely unrecognised in our society.   Therefore, some people may even feel embarrassed by their response to the loss of their pet.  This is often because of the ridicule pet loss may attract by those who do not understand its significance. 

In many societies, animals are not seen to be as important as humans. Consequently, pet loss is sometimes considered unimportant.   Disclosing your loss can solicit a variety of inappropriate responses ranging from  mild amusement, being dismissive or uncomfortable, to scorn and ridicule. Being told "Its only a dog, get over it" is a common reply.  This sentiment may be well-meaning by those advocating that we should move on from pain.  But it is unhelpful and very hurtful to those who have lost a pet whom they may consider an important part of their family, or best friend.  It may even make it difficult for them to have time off if they are feeling unwell due to shock. 
 
Pet loss should not be dismissed. The resultant grief of pet loss is a valid and significant form of grief which should be appropriately expressed.  It should not be discounted, especially by the pet owner, for several important reasons.

1. Pets play a very significant role in our society.  Researchers have found that owning a pet reduces the need for medical services, whereas those who lose pets show a decline in health (Headey, B.(2003) Pets, People and the Public Purse, Melbourne Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research: Melbourne University, cited in Abstracts, Pets, People and Health Symposium, Faculty of Health & Behavioural Sciences, Deakin University/Lort Smith Animal Hospital.

2. Other studies have shown that pet loss and grief can have a significant impact on mental health (Clements, P.T., Benasutti, K.M. & Carmone, A. (2003) Support for bereaved owners of pets , Perspectives in Psychiatric Care, Vol 39, No. 2 April-June, 2003).

3. Negative attitudes to pet loss may make it difficult for people to express their feelings openly. But, if not expressed and resolved, this grief can lead to depression and suicide (Archer, J & Winchester, G. (1994) Bereavement following death of a pet. British Journal of Psychology, 85, 259-217.)

4. Furthermore, unresolved grief can have a compounding effect on a later loss such as a lost relationship or the death of a parent or child.

How does pet grief happen

When we become attached to pets, a bond  forms which  can be as strong as, if not stronger than  those formed with humans. However, this bond is broken when the pet is lost.  The loss itself may produce an internal feeling of loss, which can lead to the painful experience of grief.  Grief is not limited to death of loved ones, but can be the result of two types of loss:  actual and symbolic. (See Facts About Grief ).

Many factors can determine the response to loss; for instance, the significance of the loss such as the degree of attachment, the context, history of loss and coping skills. Your thoughts, expectations and beliefs also determine your response to loss. For example, an unexpected and sudden loss due to tragic circumstances such as a road accident, or inexplicable death, together with an unrealistic belief about a pet's life expectancy, can have a much more shocking effect and will be more upsetting than an expected loss as in a sick, elderly pet.  However, the latter may still have an effect and these feelings should not be dismissed.

Dealing with your loss

Even with pet grief, is important that grief is dealt with as soon as possible as any further loss has a compounding effect.  It is important to speak to someone about your loss and feelings of grief – a psychologist or a well-qualified grief counsellor or your vet. It may be difficult and ineffective with a friend who may not be an animal lover and/or does not understand how you feel, or a family member who is also grieving.  In the case of an elderly pet who is ailing you may be experiencing Anticipatory Grief. Speaking to the vet may alleviate your fears and/or guilt about euthanesia.  Grief needs to be addressed, no matter what the cause. There is no shame in grief counselling; it really can alleviate the pain of loss. Make sure however, that you look for a qualified professional.

The aims of counselling are:

      1. To contain and reduce your emotional pain
      2. To help you express your grief in a private, non-threatening environment.
      3. To understand  and validate your feelings
      4. To offer support and help you adjust to the new reality.

 © Copyright Elizabeth Helmond. 2006
 Psychologist/Trauma Therapist

For more facts and information about grief

·      What is grief
·     Anticipatory grief
·     The tasks of grieving
·     How to recognise grief
·     Similarities between Grief and Depression
·     How to distinguish grief from depression
·     Getting a correct diagnosis

Go to Facts About Grief

REFERENCES

[1] Barton Ross, C. & Baron-Sorensen, J. (1998). Pet loss and human emotion , USA.: Taylor & Francis.
[2] Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base . London: Routledge.
[3] Geldard ,D. (1993). Basic personal counselling. Sydney: Prentice Hall.
[4] Headey, B. (2003). Pets, people and the public purse . Melbourne Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research, University of Melbourne, cited in Abstracts, Pets, People and Health
[5] Symposium, Faculty of Health & Behavioural Sciences, Deakin University/Lort Smith Animal Hospital.
[6] Kaplan, H., Sadock, J. (1998). Synopsis of Psychiatry (8 th Edition), Baltimore: Lippincott, Williams & Wilkins
[7] Lamb, D.H. (1998). Loss and grief : Psychotherapy strategies and interventions, Psychotherapy, Vol. 25, (4).
[8] Macnab, F., (1989). Life after Loss . Newton: Millennium
[9] Macnab, F. (2000) Traumas of Life & their Treatment, Melbourne: Spectrum Publications.
[10] Parkes, C.M. (1972). Bereavement. London: Tavistock
[11] Weber, Z.A. (2001), Good Grief , Double Bay: Margaret Gee .